*Votes cast in the XRepublic may or may not be counted
depending on whether we bought our computers from republicans or
democrats. We will inform you by email to let you know if we accepted
your voting choice. Please allow 6-8 weeks for delivery. Not valid
in some states. At participating locations only. Limited to quantities
on hand. Void where prohibited. Must be 18 years or older. Your
mileage may vary. Professional driver on closed course. Don't try
this at home. Contents may have settled. Prior performance is no
guarantee of future performance. This contains forward looking statements.
Names changed to protect the innocent. Use only as directed. Consult
your physician. In rare cases, serious stomach problems, such as
bleeding, can occur without warning. People with allergic reactions,
such as asthma, to aspirin or other arthritis medicines should not
vote. Pregnant women and Vietnam veterans are discouraged from attempting
to vote. People from various ethnic backgrounds may have their votes
disregarded subject to the campaing contributions of bigots whom
we are under no obligation to disclose. People who worship in certain
methods unacceptable to the owners of this election may have their
votes expunged without warning. All votes are subject to final approval.
The management reserves the right to refuse voting privileges at
its discretion. For further information, stay by your phone on the
weekend. We know where you live and what time you eat dinner. A
jackass will call you at our convenience. Your vote is the exclusive
property of the XRepublican and its designees. Any attempt to reproduce
your opinion without express written consent of the XRepublic is
a federal felony and will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of
the law, and after you serve your prison term we will publish your
name to our subcontracted henchmen who will, in cooperation with
international authorities track you down, kill you, scatter your
body parts in several South American client republics and videotape
the actions for sale on the black market or Fox Network whichever
offers us more money. Your surviving family has the right to request
royalties from the execution video, however we are lobbying the
US Congress to limit that rights and will be spending untold millions
on influence, inluding but not limited to boondoggles, junkets,
pork barrel, kickbacks, soft money, hard money, foodstamps and securing
prostitutes and positions on Survivor.
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