I had an experience last week that simultaneously pissed me off and really opened my eyes.  

I don't consider myself racist.  I know I can never understand what it's like to be a black man or woman in this country.  My perspective can only go as far as my experience, which is a white woman who has lived with a black man in a black community.  And that has its own set of issues - although I am well aware that I had the luxury of stepping away from those experiences when they were overwhelming.  I can have a limited amount of empathy based on that experience and the experience of being part of a much hated religious minority, but I will never experience or fully understand racial bias.  

But I never realized how deep-seated and systemic this bias is until I had to report a crime last week.  I have reported crimes before.  Several years ago I was a victim of a work-related armed robbery.  I will never forget what that white cop said to me when I was unable to tell him if the robber was black, white, hispanic or asian.  His assumption was that he wasn't black since a white woman like me would have noticed and remembered.  He was wrong - the perp was indeed black - I just didn't notice and was unable to tell him.  But that lecture and the outrage of that cop stuck with me over the years, and race is now one of those mental checkpoints I make when I witness a potential crime.  

So when I had to report that someone attempted to break-in my car, and the resulting vandalism required a police report, I was able to tell the cop that the person I saw running away from my car was black.  I also made it very clear I did not see his face well enough to ever be able to identify him, that the report I was making was not so they could catch the guy, but so that I could file with my insurance company.  

It was a strange experience.  I heard someone making a huge ruckus outside at 3:30 in the morning.  It was a loud BAM noise, not "poppy" enough to be a gun, but not "boomy" enough to be fireworks.  It was a sound I had never heard before.  I looked outside - as did my son - and saw a young black man running from where my car was parked down the street.  I was looking down from the second floor, and the baseball cap he was wearing shielded his face.  Okay.  I looked over at my car, it seemed fine.  I had no idea what this guy did - thought maybe he threw a firecracker in the mailbox or something.  Went back to bed.  About 15 minutes later - I hear the noise again.  Same thing - we look out, see the same guy running, still no indication that there was anything amiss with the cars.  Go back to bed, and about 20 minutes later it happens again - only louder.  Same thing.  Except this time he looks around, and he notices that we are watching.  He never came back.  

I went outside the next day to run errands, and it appeared as if he had tried to break out the passenger side door window with a brick.  The window held, the brick and the trim and body framing the window did not.  So now I know what this sound is.  I go back in the house, call the police.  They tell me they take those reports over the phone now, someone will call me back the next day.  I leave to do my errands.  

I get back to a message on my machine that an officer called back to take the report.  So I again call back.  I get someone on the phone who is going to take the report.  They ask a bunch of questions - the expected ones of course - name, address, phone, make and model car, VIN, plate number etc etc.  Then she asks me what race I am.  I say "excuse me?"  She says "well, we need it for statistical purposes and since there is nobody coming to take the report, they can't make the observation." Ummm...okay.  I ask her what happens if I refuse to answer.  She says I would have to come down and fill out the report in person so that they could make the observation.  Weird.  But okay - so I tell her I am of Northern European descent.  She can figure it out.  

So we go on talking and we get to the part where I have to tell her what happened.  So I tell her about the night before, and about the noise, the guy running and about going out to run errands at lunchtime.  The conversation then goes like this:  

"you saw the guy?"
"Well - I saw *A* guy."
"Can you describe him?"
"Not really."
"Anything?  What was he wearing, how tall?  How old? Anything?"
"Well, I can tell you he had on dark blue clothes, white sneakers and a baseball cap."
"Young guy?"
"Umm...well if I had to guess I'd say probably in his early 20's."
"How tall?  How big?"
"I am not sure - I was on the second floor looking down - didn't seem to be very tall - probably around 5'8" - 5'10" - medium build."
"Hair?"
"Didn't see any - just the baseball cap, I would assume his hair wasn't very long."
"Color?"
"Of his hair?  I didn't see it."
"What about his skin?"
"ummm...yeah - he was dark.  Either dark hispanic or black."
"Black guy?"
"I think so - but there are a lot of different skin colors here - could be hispanic."
"Hold on please."  

So I wait - and wait - and she comes back and says:  

"you have to go do this in person."
"Why?  After all this you now want me to go do this in person?"
"Yeah - we have to justify putting a patrol car on your block at night."
"Ummm...you can't do that with a phone report?  I don't get it - what's the difference."
"We just need you to go in person and do the report."
"I don't get it - what about the report you just took?"
"Look ma'am - we need to be able to (and this is where I got pissed) PICK UP ALL THE YOUNG BLACK GUYS ON THE STREET - and we can only do that if you make a report."
"You are going to WHAT? Why?"
"Well, because we don't want young black guys breaking into white folks' cars."
"EXCUSE ME???"
"Please just make the report."
"Now wait a minute - you can't possibly pick up every young black male on my street - there are LOTS of young black males on my street - what are you talking about?  This is NUTS?"
"We can pick them all up and we will if they are breaking into white folks' cars.  Would you prefer to have your car broken into?"
"I prefer to just get this report for my insurance and not have you use it as an excuse to HARASS folks based on being young, black and male."
"Well - that's how it is ma'am.  Have a good day."  

So shit.  What the hell am I supposed to do with this?  

I go to the police station.  I have to - I need this police report for my insurance company.  

They have NO RECORD of me calling.  NONE.  I called on an internal line that is not monitored or recorded and they did NOT take the report.  The cop that took the report - and my complaint - said that yeah that's how some folks are.  And that I had to make the report in person because I saw the guy.  Even though I can't identify him?  Well, procedure.  I asked him if it was procedure to use these reports to harass young black males for being outside after dark.  He said that they don't have to send a patrol car if I don't want one.  I said what I wanted was for the cops to do their jobs.  And that meant patrolling my street the same as any other street.  And didn't mean harassing anyone.  

I fear it went in one ear and out the other.  

I am at a loss here.  This really bothers me.  And it opened my eyes to how pervasive this attitude is in the system.  It's inherent in the policing system we have in this country.  I am a minority here. White folks are not in the majority in my neighborhood.  But we are still treated like we have some goddess-given right to be treated better than others by the system.  Although the average guy on the street does not have that attitude.  I face rudeness and second-class service in many businesses here - they cater to the person of color - any color - as long as they are not white.  And I understand this.  I don't like it - but I understand it.  

I am not sure what to do.  I am one lone voice - and one voice that is largely ignored here.  We are moving in a couple months - our building is not kept up and rent keeps going up and it's miserably small for us.  So we are moving - probably into New York.  

Anyway - it just opened my eyes to something that I always knew, but not really paid much attention to over the years.