2002.1116.1220

the problem with being sexy

yesterday, one of my fine, temporary colleagues felt disappointed that he wasn't older than i. the truth serves no man, bele' dat. so i asked a few others and they too were off by several years. proud of my ability to compartmentalize my life, i didn't blush and say thanks for the compliment, but i have been feeling rather ripe now that i know that with a little work i can pass for 33.

mind you, 33 is the perfect age for a man. rather like 27 but with a healthy amount of respect for death and weakness. it is the age at which a man's ultimate weapon (ok a het, american man) is in top form. that weapon? the marriage proposal. a man at 33 knows where he has been, where he is going and is generally well-apprised as to what his prospects are. he can make promises and not worry about falling behind some mystical curve in order to deliver them. because at this level of maturity, one understands the cyclical nature of success and failure and how to navigate them. but perhaps i project the wisdom i have acquired over the past several years onto my previous self... no i don't. the point is at 33, a man can say with enthusiasm and conviction, i can make you my wife and you know it. which is the ultimate and irresistable weapon against the vanity of romantic women.

at this level of maturity, you have a repertoire of physical and psychological moves at your disposal, and you use them with refinement. you are a finely tuned machine of seduction. now the question is really just at whom do you point the business end of your grappling hooks? why break hearts unnecessarily? who really merits your best? who is worth engineering the ultimate seduction? who indeed.

as you age, commit, pork out or otherwise mature, at some point, you have to put all that machinery back into the garage. to use it further is being greedy, vain or stupid. in any case, it is universally understood to be wreckless at best. but, like riding a bicycle, you never lose the skill. despite the fact that you may for various reasons dig those tools out of your old garage, you are psychologically in a different place. fortunately, most people recognize this and tell you how rediculous you look trying to cha-cha.

but sometimes they don't, and that's a problem.