Tired, Sad & Tired of Being Sad

Please allow me to ramble for just a moment.

Last night at 3 o'clock a friend of mine called me and told me that he was in jail. I asked him why, and he said he had been talking shit to the police. Fair enough. Could I come bail him out, he asked, knowing before he asked that I would say yes because I am just that type of person and that type of friend. So, of course, I hop in my car just as fast as I can and speed over into some random-ass area of Chicago, which probably wasn't very smart or safe, but oh well... got to the police station in record time, and walked in.

The woman at the desk looked me up and down and said, "Can I help you?" like I had a disease. At this moment I turned on my "Cant we be civil voice" and told her that I was here to bail out my friend, and gave my friend's name. She told me in her "No we cant be civil voice," that he wouldn't be ready until 4:30. It was about 3:15. What struck me was that she said it as if she couldn't believe that I didn't know the rules--how things go in police stations in the middle of the night--like I run around bailing people out daily (or nightly as the case may be). Anyway, she told me that there was a waiting room around the corner (read, about 5 chairs in a cold-ass room), and I said no thanks, I would wait in the car.

So I waited, and waited, and got angry and sad, and tired, as I contemplated the fact that I was not sleeping, and had to get to my 8 to 6 corporate job in the morning. And at that moment I realized that not my Stanford degree, not my principled upbringing and way of life, not my masters-in-waiting, not my parents money, not even my coming to the table as one human being wanting to be treated as another human being counted. All that these people saw was a Black woman coming to get a Black man out of jail in the middle of the night, and that was enough for them to treat me however they felt like it.

Sad, and tired.

Anyway, I then went to buy a magazine, came back to the station, went to the waiting room, and started to read. This older white man came by and I nodded and said hello just like I do to every human being that I come across in life, and the look on his face was of sheer surprise that I acknowledged him.

The first thing he said to me was, "You must not be like the others."

"Excuse me?" I said. He then went on to tell me what a hell Chicago is, how he hates the city, and how the solution to our problem was to kill these people that he referred to as "the others" the ones that I apparently was not like. He went on to tell me how he fought in the war, and that the only way he survived was to kill those who were out to get him, and that he thought the solution to our city's problem was to kill all of those who he felt were the problem.

Whatever.

Then when I asked him who would be in charge of this extermination, he said, he would do it.

Great.

I listened to a whole bunch of bullshit about my race and Chicago, and how if everyone was armed then the good people would be left. I don't know why I talked to this man, but it was 4:00 and I had nothing but time on my hands. Anyway, time passed and soon it was time for me to get my friend. So I went about the business of the paperwork and was surprised time and time again by the attitude of the police--the "don't you know how this goes" as if I spend most of my time bailing people out of jail.

As I was waiting for the paperwork to be finished, a man, who obviously didn't speak much English approached the desk and asked how he could get a taxi. The police (you know the ones who are supposed to protect and serve) told the man to call taxi-cab and sent him to the pay phone.

Hello? How hard is it to pick up a phone and get a cab for this man? Then of course, the man had no change. All of the police looked at him like, "Don't look at me, I dont have 30 cents." Hello? Then when I offered to give the man change, they all looked at me like I was from another planet for trying to help someone who was in need.

Sad, and tired. Has it gotten so bad that no one helps anyone anymore?

Anyway, the woman filling out the paperwork asked me if I was related to my friend, and I said no, and she then proceeded to go on and on about how she couldn't believe that I was not family and I was still helping my friend out. (Of course, at about that time, I was thinking similar things,) but to listen to her one would think that the world was just a place where it didn't make sense to help other people, but only to look out for yourself. Yeah, I probably want to live in that world.

So then, it was over, and I was told that I could pick up my friend out by the gas pumps. Hello? I don't live here, where is that, I was thinking. Damn. Is it that hard to fathom that a 21 year old Black woman has never been to the damn police station?

Anyway, I see my friend, and he is not looking very concerned. When we drive away, the first thing he said (after thank you) was "You should be glad that I am out of jail--They could have jacked me up, or kicked my ass, or killed me."

At that point, I was through. Has it come to that? When did the standards get so low? Its not, stay out of jail, out of trouble, but merely stay alive? I don't have a right to be mad that you called me in the middle of the night to get you out of fucking jail--instead I should be happy that the police didn't kick your ass.

He then told me, when I got a little irate, that I just didn't understand. You see, I just got back from a vacation with my parents in Aruba, and apparently that negated my ability to understand what he went through at the hands of the police that evening.

Perhaps he is right, maybe, as hard as I try, I don't understand.

What is happening in this world? Can someone tell me, because I am really tired of trying to figure it out. I have the privilege of having lived a comfortable life, for the most part, and getting a good education, etc. My friend, after thanking me for getting him, assured me that he would have done the same for me. Hello? That wouldn't happen, because I have no plans to be in jail in the middle of the night, and for all the "Things just happen" in the world, cannot imagine that happening to me. That is not my reality.

I don't know why I wrote this, or why I decided to post this, but I guess if you got this far, I should ask that if anyone can tell me why we're damned if we do and damned if we don't, I would appreciate it. Why some people think that they can treat people any old damn way because of how they look or where they are, or whatever? Why we are getting used to stupid shit in this world, and thanking God that at least the next horrible thing didn't happen, instead of thinking about the situation that we are in right now.

Anyway, this rambling is due also to the fact that I got about 3 hours of sleep. So if this post speaks to anyone or anything, let me know.

Peace,

Pamay Bassey