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November 27, 2003

Bubble Boy Awards

The Bubble Boy Award is hereby initiated.

When in the course of human events it becomes necessary to handle humans so gently that their care and feeding requires extraordinary measures, times are desparate indeed. Our cushy bourgie democracy has created individuals of such mincing sensibilities that they are unable to sustain the merest suggestion of offense, disgrace, or physical discomfort. They are the Delicate.

But we are not without compassion. We have the technology to isolate them from all harm, and have been [ab]using it to that effect. Unfortunately we have chosen from the wrong arsenal. Instead of using the Law, we should have been using Bubble Technology. That's right, these people's distress cries out for hermetic isolation. We can put them in the perfect environment. Bubble Technology can create an antiseptic, hypoallergenic, distress-free, non-hostile work, play and living environment. No animals will be harmed. No meat will be consumed. No trees will be cut down. Nobody will be oppressed, stressed or have their hair messed. They'll be safe from us and we will be safe from them.

There are a variety of Bubbles for our candidates. For example there is a Wellness Bubble: The Wellness Bubble provides alternative/holistic/complimentary/integrative and preventative methods of healing: homeopathy, herbs, urine therapy, hydrotherapy, raw foods & juices, therapeutic fasts, healing clays, sunlight, thalassotherapy (seawater), nutrition, naturopathy, biomagnetics healing, aromatherapy, reiki healing, flower essences and more.

So let us put forth a strenuous effort to seek out those crying out for relief from the pains of the modern world and nomiate them for the Bubble Boy Award. Finalists will qualify for a gentle trip to Bubble Exile in our convenient Greenland facility.

Nominees?

Posted by mbowen at November 27, 2003 09:32 AM

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Comments

Posted by: play boy at August 4, 2004 01:25 AM