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October 28, 2003
The Worst Films In Memory
On the backside there are pretty awful movies I've seen. Movies where I said, not only is this bad and boring, but what is wrong with the people who made this? In no particular order.Legend of the Overfiend
This film deserves special mention as by far the most gruesome, hideous excretion ever.
I left the theatre wanting to track down the filmmakers and line them up before
a firing squad so that they could never make another movie. People had dared
me to go watch it and I should have just stayed home. I am angry that the images
are still in my head.
Bulworth
Argh! So horrible it defies description. OK how's this, every racial stereotype
in the book. A litany of horrors dressed up as sophistication.
Chinatown The Two Jakes
I was asleep within 12 minutes of watching this movie. (My bad - Ed.)
Mulholland Drive
As lousy movies go, this was fairly watchable, but it is narrative hell.
How the Grinch Stole Christmas
Everything that is wrong with Jim Carrey is amplified in this obnoxiously saccharine
technicolor vomit.
Any Superman Movie
Super Mario Brothers
Don't even ask me why I watched it.
Clash of the Titans
Mega Cheese.
Battlefield Earth
I think I held out for about 20 minutes before I had to take a shower.
Antitrust
Idiot 20something programmers save the world...
Posted by mbowen at October 28, 2003 11:59 AM
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Comments
Chinatown? Like Chinatown with Jack Nicholson Chinatown? Or some other movie with the same title?
If we're talking the Nicholson Chinatown, there's no way in hell it belongs within 500 miles of any of these other titles. I mean, ok, if you didn't like it, fine, your loss, but you cannot be seriously thinking of it in the same mental frame as Battlefield Earth.
Posted by: Timothy Burke at October 29, 2003 10:33 AM
Yes, Jack Nicholson's Chinatown - no wait.. My bad. I actually meant 'The Two Jakes'.
Posted by: Cobb at October 29, 2003 11:20 AM
Phew. Shit, you had me worried.
Yeah, "The Two Jakes" is boring. Don't know that it sucks anywhere near as much of some of these other flicks, but it's bad.
Posted by: Timothy Burke at October 29, 2003 12:25 PM
I remember finding "Overfiend" loathsome when I saw it long ago. I'm a big fan of ultraviolent Asian cinema but I've never been able to stomach this strain of Anime that bombards us with one alien-tentacle rape scene after another, seemingly expecting us to be amused and titillated by them.
Have you ever seen the movie touted as a more authentic alternative to Amistad, "Ill Gotten Gains"? Ohhhh, the humanity. But when it comes to hilariously dreadful movies nothing can top Tony Brown's "The White Girl", starring Troy Beyer and Taimak (with splendid cameo by Michael Spinks).
Posted by: Jay Smooth at October 30, 2003 08:57 PM
Yeah! I remember 'The White Girl'. That was the beginning of the end for Tony Brown. I didn't bother to watch it because I didn't want my estimation of him to go down, but I remember people saying it was a real stinker.
Which reminds me did you ever hear about a porno flick made with Leon Issac Kennedy and his wife Jayne? Anyway here's a bit of movie trivia. It appears that a man by the name of Jamaa Fanaka was the director of all three 'Penetentiary' movies staring Leon Issac Kennedy as 'Too Sweet'. Now Leon hasn't made a movie since Penetentiary 3 in 1987. Six years later, Jamaa makes a film with none other than Khalid Muhammed. Yeah that one.
There's probably some interesting stories behind all that.
Posted by: Cobb at October 30, 2003 10:17 PM