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April 07, 2003
Trying to Think
Don't ask me how I feel. I'm trying to think.
I went through a lot of pain and agony before the hostilities started. Now that they are in full swing I can't be moved one way or another. It gives me a kind of immunity from having my desires confirmed or denied. I wonder if I have created a new kind of rule for the relief of anguish. For me it had been, since the death of my brother, to cry right when it hurts and let it all out. No suppression of feelings. Scream. Rip. Run. Roar. There is honesty in living in the moment. This war. I saw it coming like a freight train. I wandered from one side of the track to the other and then back again. By the time it was upon me, I had picked a side and one good reason. This has survived the rush of wind and noise. I watch the train rush past and I don't try to stop it or question what it has come to be. I don't feel the train, I study it. I wait for the end.
Posted by mbowen at April 7, 2003 08:06 AM